How (Not) to Land a Girl

Alright, so we all know that each guy has his own way of picking up a girl. Some guys are always on the lookout for a relationship, some guys are just looking for a perfect (or imperfect...some are not very picky) night. As for my group of friends, their differing styles definitely cover the WHOLE spectrum.

Just to name a few, the following is a short list of strategies used by some of my friends:

-The guy who simply sits back at the bar and lets the girls come to him (note: this methodology only works for a few people).

-The guy who puts his hand on the girl's back or around her waist within 5 seconds of speaking with her, and is the hardest worker I've seen in a long time.

-The guy who acts innocent and either A. puts his hands in his backpockets (to enhance his look of innocence) or B. uses a backpack as a "prop" whenever speaking to the girl

-The guy who drops that he was the captain of his prep school lacrosse team as early as he possibly can in the conversation

As for me, I have not yet developed unique style. However, in a non-bar setting, I definitely lean towards the "guy who carries a book around everywhere he goes so people think he is intellectual" look. For those who don't know me (though I'm pretty sure you are not reading this blog if you don't), you will quickly see this is a complete facade within 5 minutes of conversation.

Anyways, allow me to proceed to the whole point of this pointless dribble: One of my roommates (obviously to remain nameless) has a strategy which he believes will allow women to uncover his "sensitive side" - he keeps cassette tapes of the soundtrack for the following films in his car at all times (one always being in his actual tape player):

Aladdin

The Little Mermaid

Note: I can also go on record to state that he knows the lyrics, verbatim, of each of these soundtracks.

Now who am I to judge one's strategy to get women, or, more importantly, which one of these is in fact the "better" soundtrack.....though I do have a soft spot in my heart for "Prince Ali is not my Ali a ba ba," as I'd love to find out what an Ali a ba ba exactly is.

Now, there are a few faults with this technique, to say the least. Here, in my eyes, are the 3 most important:

1. His car is like a 1997 ford taurus. The only girl who would be impressed to get into a car like this would not even be worth it. The line "wanna hop into my Taurus and go for a ride" just doesn't roll off the tongue very easily. Its pretty much equivalent to saying you own a 20 year old chevy cavalier station wagon....not that I know anyone who owned one of those.....

2. Folks, we are talking about the owning the soundtracks to Disney movies by a 25 year old straight male. Perhaps it'd be fine if you were trying to pick up Clay Aiken, but for some reason I feel like a girl may question your sexuality instead of finding your "sensitive side."

3. It's also highly likely that the possession of casette tapes (and, with that, the ownership of a cassette tape player) may be a dealbreaker from the start. Please reference point # 1.

Though he has not yet used this technique in the greater Boston area, I cannot wait to see the success rate of it. I'd love a few trial runs. In the (unbelievable) event that cranking "Under the Sea" with the windows open as he is driving through the suburbs with a pretty lady next to him actually works, you'll be able to find me in the front of the line at Best Buy clutching on to my soon to be purchased The Lion King soundtrack.