Song of the Summer 2013 (PART TWO)

Part 2 Continued....

D.  Justin Timberlake - Mirrors

-Singalongability: Does anyone actually sing to this song?  I'm not sure...
-Danceability:  I don't exactly consider it entirely danceable....more so enjoyable?
-General Excitement:
-Timing: I think this was released in mid-March.  Can it remain on the radio waves as often as it was? Or are people finally annoyed with hearing the song once every 17 minutes?
Total Score: 2 Uncle Jesse's


E. Psy - Gangnam Style

E.  Mac Miller/Arian Grande - The Way

-Singalongability: Perfect for both the men and the ladies - always love a duet.
-Danceability: I feel like this is a pretty decent song for dancing to, in terms of a slow, seductive dance after drinking too much at a BBQ and trying to hook up with the neighbor before his girlfriend comes back out of the house.
-General Excitement: This song brings me right back to high school.  When this song comes on in the car, the 2000 Corolla is bumping, 190k miles and all.  I feel like I should be cruising the strip at Hampton Beach (NH pride).
-Timing: I think timing is fairly decent on this one...came out a bit later then the rest of the songs.
Total Score: 3.5 Uncle Jesse's

F.  Anything by Taylor Swift.  They all sound the same, and I can see even Lou Ferrigno or Holley Mangold singing it in the shower.

G. Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines

-Singalongability: Fairly fun song to at least attempt to sing to....myself not included.  I refuse to acknowledge that Jason Seaver's real-life son is individually famous - he's riding coattails.
-Danceability: I question the number of men who would dance to this song in public, but then again, I question the number of men who would generally dance in public without either A. trying to please a girl, or B. trying to make a fool of themselves in public.
-General Excitement:  Admittedly, I was not buying when my friend Bugman said to put this on my list as a song of the summer nominee, and it's taken a while for me to warm up to it, but I'm game now...
-Timing: Fairly good timing - started out slow a bit before Memorial Day, and is now in full swing.
Total Score: 3 Uncle Jesse's

And the winner?  Pharrell Williams.  I realize this isn't a song, but anyone who is involved in 2 nominee selections for song of the summer, plus took part in the commercial for the new Jay-Z album which annoyingly debuted during the NBA Finals and disclosed absolutely nothing after a whopping 3 minutes, officially "won" the summer of 2013.

Anyone have any other thoughts or disagreements?  Feel free to comment.  And have a happy 4th of July!

Song of the Summer - 2013 (PART ONE)

With Memorial Day weekend in our rearview mirror and July 4th only a couple days away, the beginning of summer has officially begun.

True sign of summer

Summer comes with several great additions, including the ability to drink Bud Light Lime and have it be socially appropriate, the rule amongst my group of friends that undershirts may no longer be worn until after Labor Day weekend, and most importantly, that a new "Song of the Summer," or the "SOTS" will be crowned.  Of course, by no means is my choosing of the SOTS an "original" concept; my friends and I have been doing it for years on our drives down to Newport, and New York Magazine does a pretty damn good job too.  That being said, I'll give it a shot.

Now, I know what you're thinking: you can't rate the SOTS without a proper scoring system, right?  Of course you can't.  With that in light, I've created a (hopefully) easy and self-explanatory scoring system comprised of the following categories:

1.  Singalongability (yes, I've created a new word) - Can you withhold the urge to sing this song out loud in the shower?  In the car with the windows open?  How about with the top down (for my "One Percenter" readers)?

2.  Danceability - Fairly self explanatory - when you hear this song, you don't just want to dance...you NEED to dance.

3.  General Excitement - How excited do you get when you hear this song?

4.  Timing - Was this song released too early before summer? Has it lost some of its "Kavorka," as Cosmo Kramer would say?

Given my current location of San Francisco, I will base my scoring system upon 1990's heartthrob Uncle Jesse of Full House.  1 Uncle Jesse? Meh.  4 Uncle Jesse's? Have Mercy....

The Nominees:

A. Macklemore and Lewis - Can't Hold Us

-Singalongability: This may be "old man Matt" speaking, but he just sings too fast for me.  I like mumbling the lyrics though.
-Danceability: Fairly fun song to dance to I guess...
-General Excitement: I think everyone still gets fairly fired up when they hear this song, no? Good at a club, in the car, in the shower, and even while you're watching repeats of Chopped the Giants game.
-Timing: I feel like this was released a bit early, no?
Total Score: 3 Uncle Jesse's

B. Icona Pop - I Love It

-Singalongability: As the song goes..."I don't care."
-Danceability: I think if I even attempted to sing to this song, I would be exhausted after 2 minutes.
-General Excitement: I may speak for myself here, but I feel like the women love this song, but the men, not so much...
-Timing: Wasn't this released even before "Can't Hold Us?"
Total Score: 2 Uncle Jesse's

C. Daft Punk - Get Lucky

-Singalongability: May be the most easy to sing and catchiest song of all the nominees.  I feel like the hipsters, prep bros, and urban demographics can all embrace this song, "We Are The World" style.
-Danceability: Perfect song for awkward people with absolutely no rhythm to dance to.  Just slow enough to look like you know what you're doing, but with enough background beat to separate the men from the boys (and women from girls).
-General Excitement: Though I think this song puts a smile on everyone's face when they hear it, I'm not entirely sure it's going to make me drop everything I'm doing.
-Timing: I feel like this song got some serious play just leading up to Memorial Day, which is perfect.
Total Score: 3.5 Uncle Jesse's

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!!!!

2012 Grammys Revisited

So in full disclosure, I didn't watch most of the Grammys.  To be more accurate, I managed to miss everything except for about 15 minutes of the entire show as well as most of the red carpet pre-show (is there anyone that doesn't have a girlfriend that watches the pre-show to see "how beautiful the dresses are?").

Now here's the good news....not only did I catch Nicki Minaj's (and her Priest's) entrance into the awards, but I was also able to catch her performance.  Thank god.

Anyways, here are my quick thoughts, in no order of importance.

-What in God's name (pun intended) was Nicki Minaj wearing?  She looked like a giant Ewok.  And what was that on her dress?  I'm pretty sure it was the album cover of "The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill."

-I honestly don't even know what to say about Nicki's performance.  It's been nearly 24 hours, and I'm still utterly speechless.  I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about this, and still can't think of anything which could be funnier and/or stranger than the actual performance.

-Admittedly, I don't know much about DeadMau5 (is he a DJ? How old is he? Has anyone ever seen his face? Is he good friends with Banksy? Was that last joke even funny (leaning towards no)?

-Who's "blowout" came first?  Paulie D vs. Bruno Mars.....discuss.  In Bruno's defense, he seems like a fairly cool cat.

-Did the Foo Fighters really win like 5 awards, or did I wake up in 1998?

-I also managed to see Adelle win her last two awards, and although she seemed genuinely excited accepting her last award of the night, my reflection of her acceptance speech for the 2nd to last award was cold at best - it appeared like she was ready to throw the Grammy into the "rubbish" (I think that's what the Brits call it) immediately after she exited stage right.  Was this like the 19th award she received last night?

-How does Bon Iver win "Best New Artist?"  I'm the guy who heard Ja Rule's and spent the next week convincing my friends that it would be "THE" song of the year for college kids....in 2011.  And not only do I know Bon Iver, but I'm pretty sure they already have a minimum of 2 albums out. *

-Can someone PLEASE tell me the difference between "Record of the Year" and "Album of the Year"??  I asked three different people today, and absolutely no one knew the answer.

-Congrats to Kanye and Jay-Z for their "Best Rap Performance" win with Otis.  That being said, am I that crazy to argue that "N*ggas in Paris," one of their other hit songs off the "Watch the Throne" album, should have been at least nominated in this category, if not won?  Is this the conspiracy theorist in me that thinks the Grammy people failed to include it because they didn't know what to say for the nomination?  Has there ever been a song nominated which contained a profanity, and if so, how did they deal with it?  That would be interesting....

Alright, I guess that's all I have....enjoy.

* Editor's note: Bon Iver is one of those classic bands that everyone wants to love, and say they love, but actually sucks.  More specifically, I believe this is a hipster phenomenon, but I would argue this Bon Iver fire even moved into the mainstream.  I can listen to them for about 5 minutes, and that's it.

Links of the Day - 12/21/11

1.  Wendy's 2.0
The people asked, and Wendy's finally answered.  The restaurant will be redesigning a few of its locations as prototypes for a possible 2012 rebranding of all restaurants.  I guess congratulations are in order, Wendy's.  Now the inside of your place looks like a Panera with shittier food.  I won't be coming any more often, and I won't be coming less often.  As long as your drive thru is open past midnight, me and my drunk confidantes will still be rolling through in a taxi for a quick fix of chicken nuggets, and it doesn't matter whether Frank Lloyd Wright designed your restaurant or your uncle Bill, who has been out of work for 3+ years and needed a job.  On a side note, I once downed 20 Wendy's chicken nuggets in one sitting on a bet....sober.

2.  MBTA to use old tunnels for an exhibit?
Interesting article.  Couldn't think of anything funny to say, so I'll just leave it as that.  I kind of wish Boston had a subterranean set of individuals who live in the tunnels though, like in NYC.  Sort of like an underground hobo.

3.  NYC pad bought for $88 million
You have to love these Russians, throwing their money around like nothing, laughing in the faces of "puny Americans."  Ivan Drago, Vladimir Putin, Mikhail Prokorov,  Dmitriy Rybolovleva.  I don't believe the Cold War is over - it went from a military angle to a "who can flex their financial muscles to pay egregious sums for things they don't really need" angle.  I mean, that can be the only explanation as to the signing of Kris Humphries for $8 million, right??

4.  Pest control, Dirty Harry style

First off, gotta like this guy's flair and ingenuity when it comes to dealing with Boston's rodent problem.  Most people in this position would think about a handgun, but this dude Bill McaBee brought the thunder - a Smith & Wesson rifle.


5.  Drunk History Christmas
Another gem from the boys over at Funny or Die.  Not nearly as good as some of the other "Drunk History" episodes (are they called "episodes"?), but a cast of Gosling, Carrey & Eva Mendes can't be all that bad...

Drunk History Christmas with Ryan Gosling, Jim Carrey and Eva Mendes from Ryan Gosling

6.  "Bored to Death" creator to provide free drinks on the house
Solid, classy move by Jonathan Ames in celebration of his show.  Three seasons is better than nothing, right?  Beware if you are located close to an American Apparel, Urban Outfitters, or Goodwill stores, New Yorkers....you don't want to be trampled by a pack of wild hipsters on the move to the Brooklyn Inn tonight.

7.  Competitive eating gets a reality show
Introducing "Suzilla, The Mouth That Roars."  Though I fully admit that I will never watch a single second of this show, it does make me realize that I wasn't actually that far off with my screenplay idea for a mockumentary based on the world of competitive eating which I had been throwing around about 5 years ago.  Turns out that I was just ahead of my time, and I could have made a killing (as if I had film connections to get the thing made).  I would be lying if I told you I knew where the hell the Planet Green Network was on my cable dial (do people still use this phrase?), but kudos to you, Planet Green.

8.  Jeremy Bloom is a pimp
World class skier?  Check.  NCAA all-american in football? Check.  NFL player? Check.  One of Forbes' "30 under 30" for technology? Check.  Seriously, what can't this dude do...I think I just got a man crush.

9.  Stephen Curry goes back to school

An NBA star arrives back on campus at small, liberal arts Davidson College to try to finish up his degree during the lockout.  If you insert "Stephen Curry" with "Matt Dominici," "Davidson College" with "Bates College," and "basketball" with "social pariah," then these stories are virtually interchangeable

Links of the Day (abridged version) - 12/20/11

1.  Ryan Braun - not doing PED's after all??

Pictured: Lloyd Braun- Ryan's Dad?

So Ryan Braun is now alleging that he tested positive due to medication he's taking for "a private medical issue."  My thoughts are it's either something weird like gout, or else it's what everyone thinks it probably is: ______ (insert your favorite STD here).





2.  New Will Ferrell movie
Has Will Ferrell done it again, or has Will Ferrell done it again?  Newest movie from the boys over at Gary Sanchez, "Casa de mi Padre."  I have to be honest here, I'm not sure if this movie is a complete joke, hilarious on its own, or not funny whatsoever.  You can judge for yourself....

3.  HBO cancels Bored to Death
Looks like Zack Galifianakis is gonna have to find a new job....errr.  On a serious note, 2 things to note about this show:
    A.  Jason Schwartzman not only played the main character, but he created and sang the theme song.  I'd also note that Schwartzman's band created and sang the theme song for "The OC" as well.
    B.  Besides Jack Donaghy of 30 Rock, I would argue that Ted Danson's character "George Christopher" was my 2nd favorite character on television.  Danson couldn't have played him any better.

Links of the Day - 12/13/11

1.  Free ice skating at Fenway
Ahhh, Frozen Fenway.  How much do you think these tickets go for once scalpers get ahold of them??

2.  Manhattan-style apartments come to Boston
$1,500 a month for a 350 square foot apartment in the Seaport?  And $2,000 for 400 square feet?  Not sure how much I love these micro apartments.  I'll take a 500 square foot apartment with old appliances in Beacon Hill for that or less any day....

3.  There's a new whiskey in town
 I'm not sure I'm entirely sold on Swedish whiskey, but from what I hear, they have decent water over there, so why the hell not?  I've been sold on Swedish products before (fish, Saab, Ulf Dahlen, Peter Forsberg, et. al.), so why not give whiskey a shot as well?

4.  Tim Tebow and Lindsey Vonn? (via Deadspin) 

Cute..but Tebow-worthy?

Rumor has it that Tebow broke up Lindsey Vonn's marriage?  Can this be true?  And if so, has Tebow slept with her?  This guy can't be a virgin, can he??



5.  Red Sox sign Kelly Shoppach
Well, looks like the Jason Varitek era has officially ended in Boston.  There are very few athletes I know with the first name "Kelly" - Kelly Chase, former goon for the Hartford Whalers, Kelly Slater, pro surfer, Kelly Johnson, 2nd baseman, and Kelly Leak, OF for the "Chico's Bail Bond Bears."  I don't actually know where I'm going with this, besides the fact that I consider Kelly to be a girl's name, and I wanted to make a "Bad News Bears" reference.

I don't mind the signing.  Shoppach is a serviceable backup with some pop, he was only $1 million to sign, and he's come full circle with the team that originally drafted him.

6.  Breaking News: raw cookie dough bad for you
An article somewhat appropriate for the holiday season, as even I succumbed to the temptress that is raw cookie dough last week (those snickerdoodel cookies were amazing though, Brooke!).  Here's the hook though - it's not the eggs, dumbass - it's the FLOUR!!

Nonetheless, not even the New York Times can stop me from eating raw cookie dough - it's just too damn good.  I mean, e.coli only lasts a few days, right??

7.  John Rocker admits to steroid use
Wait...WHAT?!  Next you are going to tell me that the 7 train in NYC isn't a collection of foreigners, freaks, and geeks....

8.  Leading goal scorer in hockey east kicked off BU
I'm hesitant to make a joke about this for obvious reasons, as this is a serious situation and should be handled as one.  But honestly, when you're the leading goal scorer for one of the best college hockey teams in the nation, I'm pretty sure there are better ways to go after a girl on campus.  Ever hear of the term "Puck Slut," Trivino?  I thought that was in your freshman year handbook...

9.  Scientists study particle that could explain how universe was created
For you science buffs out there.  I pretty much lost interest after the first sentence, cause not much else made sense to me.  I'm still not sure that Higgs Boson is not the head of a ticket scalping agency in Boston.

10.  Water Pong ban in Boston?
DRINKING GAMES ARE EVIL!!  While our neighbors in New Amsterdam have their happy hours, their drinking games in bars, and joints that stay open until 4 AM, the already power-hungry Boston Licensing Board is in the process of taking away yet another one of our limited opportunities to actually enjoy ourselves at a Boston bar: beirut aka "beer pong."  Here's the kicker though - it's not even played with beer...we are already at the point where we can only play with WATER, and they are even taking that away from us?!  I'll leave it to Boston Bruin legend Cam Neely to sum up how I feel about this.

Links of the Day - 12/12/11

Happy monday, folks.  I won't bore you with my weekend rundown, so onto today's links.

1.  Santa Speedo Run
 An annual rite of passage for Bostonians looking for a reason to dress scantily in December, get drunk, and run 3 miles while euro holiday shoppers awkwardly gawk at them while walking down Newbury Street (for a good cause, I should add), the Santa Speedo Run occurred this past weekend.  Contrary to popular opinion, this is not me.  My doppelganger needs to lose a few more pounds and gain a lot more chest hair if he wants to accurately impersonate me, though the aviator sunglasses, "double thumbs up," and blank/stupid expression on his face definitely has several of my friends fooled.

2.  Street signs spelled wrong
This one is for my readers from Haverhill, MA.  I'm afraid you can't get any more unintelligent than that....

3.  Blackwater gets a name change
"Hey guys - you think if we just changed our name, brought in a new board of directors, and fired a few people, 99% of the US population might forget how evil we were during that whole Iraq/Afghanistan thing??"
       -CEO of Blackwater

4.  Hulk Hogan and Brutus the Barber Beefcake were more than wrestling friends? (via With Leather)

So Linda Hogan is claiming that her ex husband had a sexual relationship with his tag team wrestling mate, Brutus the Barber Beefcake.  Say it ain't so, guys (not that there's anything wrong with that).  On a personal note, I believe my "ambition" listed in my high school yearbook was "to become a professional wrestler in the mold of Brutus the Barber Beefcake."  For some reason, I thought this was funny back in 1998, most likely due what I presumed to be an obscure wrestler reference, and because I actually aspired to be a greco-roman olympic wrestler as opposed to a WWE wrestler.  Perhaps Ravishing Rick Rude would have been more funny, in hindsight.

Please feel free to provide your own innuendo joke.  Here are a few to get you started: I guess the "suplex" doesn't only happen in the squared circle.  Or....this takes the term "tag team" to a whole new level.

5.  What we really know about Ryan Braun

Excellent take on the Braun/P.E.D.s situation from @jonahkeri over at Grantland.  At this point, we all know the story.  Ryan Braun blah blah blah synthetic testosterone blah blah blah 50 game suspension blah blah blah appealing blah blah blah.  Tough bid for MLB, which considered Braun one of the poster boys for post-Mitchell Report baseball.  Even tougher break for the Jewish population, who now only have Kevin Youkilis and a retired Shawn Green to look up to (am I forgetting others?)

6.  Most shared ads of 2011 (via youtube, via mashable, via unruly?)
My favorites, in no order of significance:

#5.  There is something about the Kia Hamsters that always cracks me up; I feel like an easy crowd.  I think it has something to do with a "Hamsterdam/The Wire" reference in there, but I have still failed to connect the dots.  What if they did an episode of The Wire using those hamsters?  Instant comedy.

#12.  Pretty funny concept.  My favorite couple was the pair in pink (such a contrast from the bikers) and the 65 year old woman with her son who it appears had her first sip of beer ever at the 1:27 mark.

#13.  I still don't believe this ad is real.  If it is, it's an absolute 10 on the "unintentional comedy" scale, and rivals just about any discount furniture store tv spot.

#17.  This is just impressive.

7.  Nets owner to run against Putin
An absolute battle of the titans, this is like Ivan Drago vs Ivan Drago.  This should be interesting to say the least.  I have more comments about this, but sadly, I also have more work to do....