"Don't Make Me Wash Your Sheets...."

In my never-ending search of trying to find old Saturday Night Live skits on the interweb, I came across a new site by the name of Hulu. Apparently a competitor with youtube, Hulu has an vast array of full television shows and even movies. Looking for the full length feature film "Dude Where's My Car?" Hulu. Trying to find recreate journal entries from old episodes of Doogie Howser? Hulu. Repeats of Temptation Island? Hulu. The list goes on and on. I seriously could spend hour after hour on this thing, but I'd probably need to quit my job. I highly recommend that you spend some time on the website to find out its wonders by yourself.

So, one of the clips I found needs absolutely no introduction. Let me state beforehand, however, that I was not all too impressed with the selection of SNL skits, but at least it had more than any other website I have found. I guess beggars can't be choosers, eh?

Alas, I present you with a personal favorite, "The Herlihy Boy":



Enjoy

Women's NIT update

So we are into the Elite 8 of the women's NIT tournament, and most of our brackets are officially busted. Unofficially, Roommate Dan has won the pool, and thus, will gain remote control privileges for the week once the tournament ends.

Today, there was an extremely important and exciting game on the schedule. No, I'm not talking about Davidson vs Kansas. The game of the week was a nailbiter between Michigan and Michigan State. The Lady Spartans pulled out a 45-40 win in overtime, which was a vital win for me. Basically, I'm in dead last place, I am the only person left in the whole pool who has a team still active (MSU), and the only way which I don't finish in last place is if the Lady Spartans win the NIT championship. I'll be honest with you, fellow readers - I don't WANT to lose couch privileges all week. Missing out on gmail and facebook are substantial losses as well - don't get me wrong....but sitting on the floor for a full week? I'll have to get a ruling on whether or not pillows are technically part of the "couch".....

Looks like I should start memorizing the official MSU fight song from this point on......

On the banks of the Red Cedar,
There's a school that's known to all;
Its specialty is winning,
And those Spartans play good ball;
Spartan teams are never beaten,
All through the game they'll fight;
Fight for the only colors:
Green and White.

Go right through for MSU,
Watch the points keep growing,
Spartan teams are bound to win,
They're fighting with a vim!
Rah! Rah! Rah!
See their team is weakening,
We're going to win this game,
Fight! Fight! Rah! Team, Fight!
Victory for MSU!

"Language Lessons....

Inspiring words from a man who knows how to ski."
-Better Off Dead

I completely agree that this quote has nothing to do with my blog entry, but are you really gonna blame me for trying to work a lesser known quote (which should be known) into my repertoire?

Not sure if any of you fellow Bostonians have noticed, but as a a daily public transportation commuter, I like to take some time every morning to try to notice whatever new advertisements may pop up on my commute (it is duly noted that the advertisements do not change all too often).

One advertisement which always brings up inner controversy is by the Boston Language Institute, which is apparently a language school around town. The main selling point of the Boston Language Institute, courtesy of the advertisements, is "Learn Swahili." Well, I have to admit, I have somewhat of a problem with this:

Out of all the languages to promote, you go with Swahili? What? If you want to go with a lesser known, lesser utilized language, why don't you just try to promote Sanskrit (PCU reference duly noted)? I mean, is it simply wrong to endorse the education of a language which will actually prove to be a resource to you, such as Spanish or French? I'd be better off learning Latin - at least I'd be able to figure out the etymology of words in a quicker fashion, or at least would have been able to score a little higher on my SAT scores. I mean, perhaps I'd finally be able to figure out what Semper Fi means.....

If you really wanna impress us commuters with the fact that you have a staff with a tremendous knowledge of more obscure languages, why not promote Cantonese in your advertisements? I mean, there are hundreds of different dialects of that language. That would impress me.....but Swahili??

"We Got Next"

Is there a more exciting athletic event than March Madness? For a college basketball fan, there's arguably no better time to watch hour after hour of games - I mean, who doesn't get excited watching some small conference team upset one of the big boys (think BUCKNELL beating powerhouse Kansas in 2005)? Now, if you equate equate the official "start" of March Madness Thursday of the first weekend, I have something I need to tell you - you're wrong; any real basketball fans knows it's Wednesday.

Still no clue what I'm talking about yet? Well, I'll let you out on a little-known secret: Wednesday of that same week is the beginning of the Women's NIT tournament, i.e., the real start of March Madness. For the rare reader who is unfamiliar with the Women's NIT tournament (an absolutely blasphemous offense), allow me to explain: It is the "championship" tournament held for NCAA Division 1 women's basketball teams that cannot even make the real women's NCAA tournament. Looking for the Prairie View vs Texas State women's matchup? You're in luck - just start following the Women's NIT. I've got some bad news though....there's zero chance of finding it on television, and you've got a better chance finding hot nude pictures of Roseanne Barr on the internet than you do finding any Women's NIT coverage on ESPN.com....go ahead, I dare you.

In honor of the magnificent event known as the Women's NIT, my roommates and I have decided to participate in our own Tournament Challenge. Go ahead, fill out your Men's NCAA March Madness brackets and throw away $10 on the office pool, checking the website every so often to make witty comments on the message board to make the girl in the cubicle next to you giggle - we'll stick to the real shit. And to think you call yourself a "bracketologist".....

Don't worry, we wouldn't simply participate in a bracket pool without consequences....allow me to let you in on the stakes:

Winner receives remote control privileges for a full business week (5 days)

Loser is revoked of couch/chair sitting privileges in the living room for a full week, AND the following (dependent upon who comes in last place):

Billy: No ketchup or mustard use on his salads for 1 week (yes, I said "on his salads")
Avery: Cannot wear glasses/contacts when watching tv upstairs for 1 week
Guy: Cannot eat/make quesadillas for 1 week
Roommate Dan ("RD"): Cannot drink any form of bottled water for 1 week
Matt: Cannot use gmail/gchat/facebook after work hours for 1 week

Note: If you are not familiar with the roommates, let it be known that the loser will sacrifice one of his privileges or vices for a week.

The RPI rankings have been researched, the respective brackets have been filled out with pride, and the trash talking has officially started (if you see me, no need to inform me that I know absolutely nothing about women's college basketball).

Feel free to check in with any of us for updates, but let me warn you - my full attention may not be with you, as I'll most likely be too busy wishing for a strong tourney run by the James Madison University Lady Dukes......

"The Cow"

I'm sure that some of you may be familiar with this story, but I'd like to take this opportunity to enlighten you with one of my favorite stories in the sports world - the story of former Celtic player Dave Cowens. Aside from the fact that I proudly wear my "Dave Cowens Basketball School" shirt any opportunity I can get (No, I didn't attend the camp; I think I picked it up off a roommate in my freshman year of college), we are talking about a great player here. This is a guy who was inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame in 1991, and averaged 15 rebounds per game in his rookie year - and keep in mind he was only 6'9", which qualifies as "really damn short" for someone playing center in the NBA.

Aside from his athletic prowess, its what he did off the court which really piqued my interest. Example No. 1 - after the Boston Celtics beat the Milwaukee Bucks in the 1974 NBA Finals, Cowens decided to sleep on a park bench in Boston Common after a full night of partying. I realize it was the 70's so things were a bit different, but a park bench, Dave? Really?

Example No. 2 - In 1977, Cowens decided that he was "burnt out" with the sport of basketball, and announced that he was simply taking a leave of absence from the Boston Celtics. What did he decide to do when he wasn't playing basketball, you ask? Just what any other elite professional athlete would do with their free time - DRIVE A TAXI IN BOSTON. That's right - he became a cabbie. Can you imagine hailing a cab at 2 AM after a lengthy date with a few too many Miller High Lifes (nothing but the "champagne of beer" for this guy), hopping in, and hearing Kevin Garnett in the driver's seat ask you what exit to take off Storrow Drive?? Wouldn't you be a bit surprised in the least? This is essentially the best 2008 equivalent of what was happening back in 1977. In these times when most athletes believe they are keen entrepreneurs, (please pick up the rap cd's of Chris Webber, Kobe Bryant or Ron Artest if you don't know what I'm talking about), I just find this story absolutely hilarious.

Eveybody always talks about Bill Walton as being the epitome of the "free spirit" in the NBA - I mean, he definitely had his quirks about him - he rode a friggin bike to his games in college, was heralded for following around The Grateful Dead in the offseason, and was known to partake in a certain extracurricular activity which is perfectly legal......in Amsterdam. But why doesn't Dave Cowens get any attention?? Well, folks, put it on the record that I'm behind "The Cow."

The Next Sean Landeta?

There comes a time in everyone's life when he needs to come to grips with himself about the fact that he may not, in fact, see one of his pipe dreams become reality. After thinking long and hard about this, it is with much regret that I, at 27 years old, have decided to acknowledge the fact that I will never become a professional athlete. Now I know some of you may may be currently thinking something along the lines of the following (I'll provide you with a few options):

"Shouldn't he have figured this out when he peaked as an athlete at 15?"

"I wonder if this thought came across his mind when he couldn't break a 6 minute mile in high school."

"I have seen him play _______ (insert sport of choice here. Possible options: high school soccer/tennis, virtually any intramural sport in college)..."

Don't get me wrong here, folks - I am not completely unathletic (I still claim that I could have easily played a Division III sport at my college); its just that I am conscious of the fact that there are numerous people far superior to me in terms of athleticism, and I'm ok with that. Will I blame some of that on genetics? You're damn right I will. You try being a nasty basketball player when your father is almost 5'7" and is pushing 150 lbs. when soaking wet.

That being said, I think a few of my fellow readers, whether you would like to admit it or not, are in that same boat as me. That's precisely why I would argue that its time to move on and think of bigger and better things. My rhetoric today, readers, is that you need to start thinking about what professional sport you would like your child to be when he grows up. Keep in mind, I'm not asking anyone to rush things and try to procreate with the first person you see....we've got a fair amount of time on our hands, folks. Although, the devil's advocate would state that perhaps it would be advantageous to have as many children as possible, as at least you have numbers working on your side. On second thought, let's wait and see how it works for Travis Henry.....

First off, in full disclosure, if I had a daughter I would NOT want her to attempt to become a professional athlete, no matter what the sport. Instead, I would like her to take up something in the creative arts; perhaps writing, or painting. This is solely because I do not want to be involved in any situation where my daughter can potentially beat me at a sport. Is this a completely sexist thought process? Absolutely. Is this true for most men? Confirmed as well.

Though I fully believe that my son will, in fact, excel as a professional athlete, I like to think that I am a realist as well. I mean, I'm not asking him to be the next Tom Brady, or even the next Kevin Millar.....it needs to be a position and/or sport where one can sneak through the cracks with as little athletic ability as possible. In light of these thoughts, let's scratch these potential positions off the list (however B-level they are):

Professional Bowler? Still requires a high level of talent, and not sexy enough anyways.

Backup QB? Well too much talent/athleticism necessary

Left Handed Relief Pitcher? Yes folks, unfortunately even Mike Myers and Jesse Orosco have an undeniably high talent level. You try throwing an 85+ MPH fastball in the strike zone at 55 years old.

After thinking long and hard, I have chosen that my future child will become a PUNTER in the NFL. It doesn't require a high level of athleticism, and I feel that if I start training him early, he will be light years ahead of all other punters in terms of development - I mean, who actually starts practicing as a punter unless they are forced into the position in high school? No one willingly becomes a punter, do they? That's the difference - my kid is gonna be given a football at 5, and won't even learn how to throw the damn thing. Plus, I just can't imagine its that hard to kick a football up in the air 35+ yards about 4 times a game, is it (note: this is different than a FG kicker)?

Now all I need is to convince him somehow that being a punter is "cool," which could actually be quite problematic.....oh, and I guess having a kid at some point could be a requirement as well.