So I don't know anything about this movie called "The Bucket List" besides the fact that it stars Morgan Freeman (as Morgan Freeman) and Jack Nicholson (as some rich man), two men who are both about to die and decide to live the rest of their days attempting to accomplish any and every feat they have ever wanted. This involves riding a motorcycle, going sky diving, going to a brothel, eating cod, and, hopefully, dying (I cannot confirm any of these are on the actual Bucket List, as I've never seen the film).
Fast forward a few days....keeping with this "Bucket List" theme, I recently heard a great story about this gentlemen in his mid-thirties who decided to quit his job on a whim and begin attempting to accomplish 50 different things he wants accomplish before he gets a new job. Apparently, he was on "Good Morning America" one day, and Matt Lauer (who I still believe killed a man in self defense, but have found no proof to defend this) or someone decided to assist him in reaching one of his goals - to tell Donald Trump "You're Fired!" His number one goal, I
believe, is to ride an ostrich, which I thought was pretty funny.Now, I guess I could make a real bucket list of 50 things I want to accomplish before I die, but I think all of you know this - I'm well too lazy for that.....so I came up with just a few things I'd like to do off the top of my head.
So without further ado, the following is a supposed "bucket list" of things perceived by the majority as "socially inappropriate" that I would like to do in the near future. As you will soon notice, the word "accomplish" just does not seem like the right word to use in this context:
- Start yelling absolute nonsense at the top of my lungs in a quiet presentation and/or while a teacher is conducting class
-Rent space on a highway billboard to put up a phrase and a picture which have no connection whatsoever Something such as a billboard that says: "My hands are dirty" and then has a huge picture of a leather reclining La-Z-Boy chair. Something which will really make "Joe Driver" look at the picture and think "WHAT the hell did I just drive by??" Admittedly, Rob Dyrdek of "Rob & Big" fame beat me to the punch on the whole billboard purchase idea, but they used it a little differently than I would have (please watch the show for further explanation)
-Be "That Guy" at a urinal that lets out a loud, lengthy sigh of relief in a very serious manner as he urinates. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.....it's almost as if it's the first time he has urinated in over 3 years, and its the best feeling he's ever had. Bonus points if I use my right hand to lean on the wall in front of me as I'm urinating - however, the hand leaning is a truly experienced measure, and not for amateurs
-While in line getting my items checked at a large grocery store, yell out the name of each and every food product which the employee picks up and scans - once again, at the top of my lungs. For example: "BANANA! CHEX MIX! FRUIT LOOPS! CREST MINT TOOTHPASTE WITH WHITENING! SPAGHETTI SAUCE WITH BASIL AND GARLIC"
-Purchase a raunchy pornographic magazine and read it on a plane/bus/train. It is important that I treat said magazine as if I were reading a Newsweek or Forbes
-Jump onto a field during a baseball game and steal 2nd base, fully utilizing a head-first slide. Note: I would only do this if the game were a blowout (and, more than likely, a minor league game), otherwise it would simply be a detriment to the game of baseball.
As I stated, these are just a few things off the top of my head. I'm sure I would have many more if I took a little more time to really ponder this.
No comments:
Post a Comment