Real World: Cancun

As much as people dislike me for doing this, once again, I've chosen that I will be the "authority" when it comes to the Real World. I will be using my blog as a forum for my thoughts on each episode, starting with the premiere episode tonight in Cancun. As I've said before, if you are looking for an episode summary, look elsewhere....there are enough places to find that.

So, in no order of importance, here are my initial thoughts on each cast member:

Derek: Didn't get get a good read on him besides the fact that he is openly gay, was adopted and works at a bar. Think we got about 3 words out of him, and 2 involved Jonna being slutty in her past (which is fine with me). Seems like a good guy, and the straight dudes seem to have no problems with him, which is a nice change of pace.

Jonna: Pretty hot, but seriously, relax with the piercings, Jonna. Not only do you have those weird ones on your back, but your "promise piercing"?? You have to be kidding me. I mean, a promise ring is bad enough, but a promise piercing blows it out of the water. Can we set an over/under on how long it takes for her to cheat on her boyfriend? I'm giving it 3 weeks.

Joey: First of all, feel free to correct me, but since when has "Merrimack Valley, MA" been an actual town? Why not just get it over with and say you're from Lawrence (full disclosure - I got this info from the MTV website)? I somewhat question how "hard-core" punk he is even with all those tattoos, but I'll tell you this much - he is definitely the house favorite for pissing every single cast member off at one point or another. Has the ability to be a genuine asshole when he wants to. I also don't understand how he had the gall to put himself to bed the FIRST NIGHT they go out. I'm going to stay out with my new roomies if I have to pass out on the bar that first night. Gotta give the kid respect though, for hooking up on the 1st night with a pretty cute girl ("Courtnee with 2 E's"). Which brings me to.....

Bronne: Not only did you make out with a cougar at the bar, but A. the cougar was completely unattractive, and B. IT WAS COURTNEE'S MOM. Utterly hilarious. That being said, what the hell is a 40 something year old doing in Cancun? Does this happen regularly? I'll need to consult with an experienced spring breaker veteran on this. Anyways, this guy has some real potential to be the funniest guy on the show, and besides the fact that he couldn't hold his booze at the bar, he is definitely my favorite cast member - already came out with a few great lines tonight - his comment about being thankful he has a gay roommate cause he can finally get help with his wardrobe, though a stereotype, was damn funny. Kinda reminds me of Isaac from Australia, but less weird.

Jasmine: Like Derek, don't know much about this girl besides the fact that she's really short. Jury is out on her, but I get the feeling that she is somewhat bitchy when she wants to be. Has pretty much spent all of her time with her new BFF,....

Ayiiia: May be the hottest girl on the show in my book, though her teeth could use some work. If I was her, I would probably hop on a plane and get over the border though, cause I wouldn't trust a Mexican DDS as far as I can throw him (I actually just wanted to use the acronym "DDS" in this blog). I would also like to point out that I think she spells her name wrong - the name is odd enough, but three I's?? Really? I'd just stick with 2. Seems like her and Jasmine are not really interested in hooking up with any guys. I hope this changes, or I hope they start getting interested in hooking up with each other..

CJ: In terms of unintentional comedy, this dude is hilarious. I could not stop laughing at him all show. It's been a long time since I've seen someone so narcissistic on any show, let alone The Real World. You're an NFL Free Agent? Christ, I could have called myself a "free agent" when I graduated from college too, CJ. Love the fact that he does exercises before he goes out to make his arms look bigger, and his leg stretching after he got home from the bar absolutely killed me. I expect big things out of you, CJ. Big things.

Emilee: Once again, don't say you're from Boston - you're from HAMILTON, which is easily 35+ minutes outside of Boston. And I didn't know they let girls with single A cups work at Hooters (by the way, where is there a Hooters in Boston?). And you're 1/4 african american? Sorry, I don't believe it. She is the classic case of a girl who has never seen a gay person before, never seen an african american, never left her little bubble....MTV eats this stuff up, and so do I. And one more thing: SHE IS CRAZY. I'm giving 5-1 odds that this girl is absolutely nuts. Just wait, my friends. On a sidenote, she's pretty hot....

Other General Thoughts:

Cast - MTV - THANK YOU for not only giving us viewers a girl majority with respect to cast members, but making them all semi-attractive at the very least.

House - Pretty sick. Shocker that they have an "ocean view," as from what my friend (a wiley Cancun veteran) says, Cancun is basically a strip, so unless you're staying in the janitor's closet, your hotel is going to have an ocean view. Added bonus that it's located in a hotel. Hello Real World Las Vegas!!

Computer - Are you serious? Talk about a complete lack of privacy. I mean, their computer screen is larger than any television I've ever owned....

Massachusetts - Does anyone think its weird that there are THREE people on the show this season with Massachusetts ties? What. The. Hell. This is either a good thing or a bad thing. I'm yet to determine which....

Profession - Why is EVERY single girl a waitress? Mix it up a bit next time, MTV...

The Island: Episode One

After a long awaited hiatus, one of my favorite shows has recently come back to waste more of my time: The MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Just as I did last season, I'd like to utilize this blog once a week for my recap of each episode. Truthfully, its less of a recap and more of a commentary, or an inner monologue. If you haven't actually watched each episode, you probably won't have a clue what I'm talking about.

As I'm well aware, this is probably one of the least popular types of blog entries for the majority of my readers, especially considering I am one of about twelve people in our age bracket who actually watch this show (in all of America, according to the Nielsen ratings,) but I'm willing to take the heat because I enjoy doing this way too much.

As it goes, here's a quick setup of this season's show: There are 20 different former RW/RR cast members, and they are all brought out to this deserted island somewhere off the coast of Panama on BMX by their host, TJ Lavin. By BMX, I mean motor boat. Anyways, this year's setup is much more like Survivor and less like The Gauntlet or The Inferno - the premise is to build 2 boats, with only 4 people per boat, with a few people getting keys to this treasure chest in which you need to open on some other isla.....actually, that's enough of a show summary - if you don't watch it, nothing I say here will actually cause you to begin watching the show.

On to my comments on the episode:

-Tonya is now living in Nebraska? What the hell is Tonya doing in Nebraska? I'd love to find this one out. I mean, how does someone go from "acting" in a Skinemax soft core porn series (yes, that's right: "The Erotic Traveler") to living in NEBRASKA??

-Exactly how many pounds do you think Ashli gained since we last saw her becoming a homewrecker on RW Australia? Can we set the over/under at 25 pounds? She was doing some work on that rice too. Let's try to hold back on the carbs there, Ashli.

-Who the hell is Dan?

-Love the fact that Kelly Anne went straight from projectile vomiting to smiling as if she just won her first Oscar.

-Abram is absolutely out of his mind....and I love every minute of it.

-I can't get over the fact that Derrick got married, and has a kid on the way. First of all, I would LOVE to see Derek's wife, and secondly, let's read that sentence over again - Derrick has a KID on the way. He sure seems ready for a kid, especially with his past history of drug addiction, alcohol addiction, and did I mention uncontrollable fits of rage, crying, and/or aggression?

-By Jenn's comments, are we to assume that she hooked up with Rachel?? I feel like this was somewhat implied. If so, where's my footage? Come on, guys - this is MTV we are talking about.

On a side note, it hurts to say this, but I think I nominate Jenn as most improved in terms of hotness. This is not saying she is hot - it merely notes that she is more attractive than when we last saw her. Johanna still rates as # 1 in my book.

-Where exactly is TJ coming from? Do you think he lives on the island as well? Possibly in a suite, complete with A/C, television, running water/showers, etc.? Or is he living in the same awful conditions as the competitors?

-These air drops from the Army better not only bring food and pieces of the boat to the cast members. If so, its gonna be a LONG season. Let's hope that MTV hasn't forgotten the one key ingredient which keeps this show moving - ALCOHOL. I realize the 1st episode featured some booze, but something tells me that this stuff won't be rationed nearly as well as the rice and chicken. Without alcohol, there will be no hookups, no fights, no anything - the show would essentially be a bunch of superficial, pretentious idiots just sitting around waiting for an elimination challenge. Please tell me this is not the case, MTV.

In summation - good initial episode, and hoping for a stellar season all around.