Part 2 - The Real "30 for 30"

After a slight delay, Part 2 of "30 Things Every Man Should have by 30" below:

16. A trusted barber or hair stylist.
Pardon my ignorance, but I didn't think men used "hair stylists." Is there something I should know? Sadly, I am still awaiting the arrival of a "trusted" barber, and this fact can be much attested by my numerous monthly military-style and/or "boys' regular-style" haircuts. I'll take any and all suggestions (under $15 - I have my limits).

17. A pair of jeans that makes his butt look good.
Couple pairs of jeans I feel comfortable in? Check. Similar to my barber comment, I'm still awaiting the arrival of some semblance of a butt, and am waiting on the price of saline injections to drop to a price point I can handle. Honestly though, do guys really think about this??

18. Jumper cables.
Please refer to number 14. Will this continue to be a problem at 31? Perhaps I need to think about this a bit more...

19. A driver’s license.
I beg to differ. Pretty sure I'd be quite content to be in a position in life where I only utilize a car service, and/or have a personal driver. I need a Turtle to my Vinny Chase. That is, unless this is a reference to some sort of criminal offense one has been involved in whereby he cannot apply for a driver's license. If that's the case, I'm in the clear.

20. Always enough toilet paper.
Hmm...let's just skip this one, and move on to the next.

21. Sheets that don’t scratch.
Could this please lay to rest the constant negativity produced by my recent purchase of "sateen" sheets? Looks like that Linens 'n Things liquidation sale really paid off in the long term!!

22. A nightstand that doesn’t say “Handle with care” on the side.
Umm...this would require the ability to actually be able to house a nightstand in your bedroom.

23. A smile he uses generously.
Although pictures most likely do not suggest this, I'll go ahead and give myself the benefit of the doubt.

24. At least one lamp that didn’t once belong in a dorm room.
First of all, this statement implies that I had a lamp in my dorm room, let alone more than one. I'll need to consult the former residents of my current apartment, however, as I've still managed to go my entire life without purchasing a lamp. Something tells me this should have been on the "20 Things to do By 20" list, and I obviously missed the cut a long time ago.

25. Enough confidence to approach someone he finds attractive.
"Approach" in what manner?? I'll say yes to this, but very hesitantly.

26. Enough sense not to use a cheesy pick-up line. (When in doubt, say “hello!”)
Another statement with implications - does this imply that said pick-up line produced a positive result? As George Constanza can attest, telling people you're an architect can only get you so far with the other gender...

27. A great razor.
This is me laughing...I'd rather have scientists invent some type of laser which completely removes hair follicles. Wait....what?!

28. The beginning of a nest egg.
Funny....and I was always under the impression that it's not proper etiquette to publicly discuss one's personal finances. All of a sudden, is this now perfectly acceptable at the age of 30?

29. A place where everyone knows his name.
Sadly, there may be one too many places where everyone knows my name. Perhaps I should actually start visiting bars with less frequency once I turn 30...

30. At least one sex move he’s received lots of positive feedback on.
Well, I guess there's no better time than 30 to try to get rid of that whole "virginity" thing...it appears as though I'm a little behind the 8-ball on that one.

To all those who made guest appearance at my "surprise" 30th birthday party this past Saturday (I guess all those years of unnecessary pranks on my friends finally caught up to me), thanks for coming to support my inevitable transition into adulthood, I hope you had fun, and I'll see you soon, albeit a tad more polished.

Dirty Thirty

A few days ago while conducting my typical daily internet searching, I came across an interesting article titled "30 Things Every Man Should Have by 30" (to answer the question on everyone's minds...no - I don't typically read "The Frisky" - apparently CNN.com must have some deal with the site to post ridiculous articles on their website at least once a week, one thing led to another, and there you go..). I thought that, in honor of my upcoming 30th birthday in less than two weeks, I could provide a little personal feedback on my progress with this bucket list of sorts....

Due to the length of the entry (and to keep you salivating), I've decided to split it into 2 separate entries. 15 today, 15 this weekend.

Without further adieu, enjoy:

1. A skin care regimen. C’mon guys, healthy complexions aren’t just for metrosexuals!
If by "regimen," they are trying to express the fact that I shower daily (usually 2x a day), you can check this off the list.

2. A tasty signature dish he can whip up for a date.
Are you kidding? Name me a woman that doesn't love al dente spaghetti with a bottle of Ragu, and I've got a bridge for sale in Brooklyn for you. I should also note that the sauce is "meat flavored" - what did you think this was, amateur hour?

3. Respect for women as equals and not just as heads attached to boobs.
Check. They have a superior insight which far surpasses any male in terms of understanding intellectual shows such as Gossip Girl, the Hills, and the City.

4. At least four good pairs of shoes: dressy, business casual, casual, exercise.
Sure - what guy doesn't have a pair of Asics or New Balance for every occasion....cocktail party? Grey 991's. Job interview? Grey 992's (newer = classier).

5. At least one friend who gives honest fashion advice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but "honest" is not synonymous with "correct," right??

6. A tailored suit.
Assuming that the fine gentlemen who make an hourly wage at the "Men's Wearhouse" can be loosely classified as "tailors," then absolutely. I mean, it didn't take me until 30 to do this one. I'm almost insulted.

7. A toolbox that includes: a hammer, screwdriver, wrench, nails, work gloves.
Thanks, Dad - with only a year to spare! There's no stipulation that one needs to have actually used said tools in a real-life scenario, is there?

8. Enough clean underwear (no holes!) to get him through a week between laundry sessions.
It is with this statement that I realize this article must have been written by a woman. Any man knows that the entire key is to have enough underwear that you never have to do laundry in the first place. If this involves buying new underwear at the store in order to circumvent the whole "washing" experience, so be it.

9. Independence from his mama.
Considering I've been living without my "mama" for almost a decade, I'd certainly hope so. Um...that doesn't count weekends at home, does it? She makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich...

10. The ability to ask for directions.
This needs clarification - driving directions? Hell no. Directions as to why I probably shouldn't be wearing New Balance 992's with my "tailored suit" for a job interview? Feel free to engage...

11. A great road map when there’s no one to ask.
Check. I was always under the impression that having the biggest, most detailed map was a true sign of the alpha male. If you don't have one of those encyclopedia-sized Rand McNally road maps, then you may as well not even show your face around New England.

12. A favorite cookbook.
"The Joy of Cooking." Thanks Sister! Admittedly, I find it works better as an oversized paperweight for the time being. If you don't know how to make spaghetti with sauce out of a jar, I fear there are larger, more important problems you need to start thinking about at the age of 30.

13. A decent set of pots and pans.
Almost there...though I'm pretty sure the word "decent" is quite relative. Honestly, I just couldn't come up with anything funny for this one.

14. An emergency kit in the trunk of his car.
I get the feeling that it's 10x worse to answer that I have the emergency kit, though I don't have a car to put it in....so I won't answer in that manner. When are people going to figure out that the whole car ownership thing is just a fad??

15. A hobby that does not include a television set or a 6-pack of beer.
Sure, I have many hobbies. Antiquing, building model ships, making picture frames out of seashells, playing with Legos, meteorology - the list goes on. Oh, and for all the ladies reading this - did I mention I'm single?? Wink wink...

Stay tuned for part 2......