My Icelandic Experience

So many of my faithful readers (I'll call you tomorrow, Ma) are aware that last night I just got back from an extended weekend stay in Iceland. Why Iceland, you ask? Why not. Needless to say, many people have numerous questions about this experience, with even more looking for a full summary. After much thought, I've come to the decision that in lieu of providing a full narrative of my adventures in Iceland, I'll be providing you with a series of rules to live by when vacationing in Iceland, to better prepare you for your experience, should you ever decide to make the trek.

Please note that this is not meant to be representative of a negative experience in Iceland, as I had an amazing trip. Lastly, as always, this list is in no order of importance.

1. Never walk around Reykjavik wearing sandals, flip flops, or any type of open toed shoes. The amount of broken glass on the streets after a weekend night is enough to [insert cheezy awful joke].

2. Make sure you pack your black clothes. All black, nothing else. Full disclosure: I got this piece of info from a pamphlet, which stated Icelandic people wear all black for "practical purposes." When I asked several Icelandic people about this, no one had an answer.

3. Don't plan on going out any earlier than 2 AM. As a matter of fact, don't even try to venture outside until at least 10 PM or you'll feel uncomfortably alone walking through the city.

4. NEVER eat hakarl. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

5. Wearing jeans out is "in" right now, provided that it is part of a "smart" outfit (once again, I stole this helpful hint from a handout).

6. Sunglasses are necessary when on a sunny day while on a glacier, or else you'll be essentially rendered blind. Gear is also a necessity.

7. Most Icelandic do not like highways, as they are considered "boring." When faced with the decision to drive on a highway vs a semi-frozen riverbed complemented with other various offroad hazards and snow-filled hilly trails where it takes 10 minutes to drive 10 feet, they will always choose the latter option.

8. Make sure you grab a hot dog...and you're only cheating yourself if you don't get it fully loaded.

9. Better get used to bad-tasting beer, cause it's there, and it's aptly named "Viking." The 1st beer in Iceland was allowed in 1989, and its quite evident it needs more time to evolve.

10. When in need of appeasing your sweet tooth, you can't go wrong with Opal. It has the consistency of hard licorice complemented by the taste of cough syrup. And while you're at it, feel free to grab a shot of Opal as well. You heard that correctly - they make booze too, and it tastes the same.

11. Don't let anyone try to tell you whale meat doesn't taste good....

12. If you plan on riding horseback, please understand that your "horse" may actually be shorter than you.

13. Go into your trip with the understanding that you have zero shot of being able to read or understand the language in any capacity (historical note: the Icelandic language is actually old-school Norwegian...it's just that Norway's language changed, and Iceland's stayed 12 century Norwegian).

14. If arriving in spring/summer, make sure whatever location you stay in has shades or blinds, cause you are going to need them.

15. Take some time to familiarize yourself with top 40 American music before your arrival, cause you don't want to be left in the dark at the bars (as previously noted, this is only a manner of speech in the summer months).

16. Please start smoking. I don't care if you don't like it. At the least, it keeps you warm.

17. No need to buy a bus pass - you can probably traverse the entire city within 20 minutes.

18. Be sure to stop off at the Blue Lagoon on the airport ride home. You'll see what I'm talking about.

19. Embrace the smell of sulphur, cause you're gonna smell like it no matter what if you decide to shower while in Iceland. Rubbing hard-boiled eggs over your body would probably be a good start.

20. Do not act surprised when you see the same people out every night no matter where you are - its Reykjavik - get used to it.

21. Be sure to pick up some Reyka vodka on your trip; it's surprisingly smooth and you will not be disappointed.

I hope this short (read: overly lengthy) list helps you with your potential trip to Iceland. Say what you want about the country - your economy would probably collapse too if your fishermen rise out of bed one morning and proclaim "So I think I'm going to become a trader today. What? I don't know anything about banking? Who cares!" That being said, I can't lie to you - I could not find all too many signs of a failed economy, minus a standard broken glass window or two after a full weekend of partying. The people seemed happy, the shops, restaurants and bars were still doing business, and Bjork was presumably singing some awful indie song somewhere...