The Next Sean Landeta?

There comes a time in everyone's life when he needs to come to grips with himself about the fact that he may not, in fact, see one of his pipe dreams become reality. After thinking long and hard about this, it is with much regret that I, at 27 years old, have decided to acknowledge the fact that I will never become a professional athlete. Now I know some of you may may be currently thinking something along the lines of the following (I'll provide you with a few options):

"Shouldn't he have figured this out when he peaked as an athlete at 15?"

"I wonder if this thought came across his mind when he couldn't break a 6 minute mile in high school."

"I have seen him play _______ (insert sport of choice here. Possible options: high school soccer/tennis, virtually any intramural sport in college)..."

Don't get me wrong here, folks - I am not completely unathletic (I still claim that I could have easily played a Division III sport at my college); its just that I am conscious of the fact that there are numerous people far superior to me in terms of athleticism, and I'm ok with that. Will I blame some of that on genetics? You're damn right I will. You try being a nasty basketball player when your father is almost 5'7" and is pushing 150 lbs. when soaking wet.

That being said, I think a few of my fellow readers, whether you would like to admit it or not, are in that same boat as me. That's precisely why I would argue that its time to move on and think of bigger and better things. My rhetoric today, readers, is that you need to start thinking about what professional sport you would like your child to be when he grows up. Keep in mind, I'm not asking anyone to rush things and try to procreate with the first person you see....we've got a fair amount of time on our hands, folks. Although, the devil's advocate would state that perhaps it would be advantageous to have as many children as possible, as at least you have numbers working on your side. On second thought, let's wait and see how it works for Travis Henry.....

First off, in full disclosure, if I had a daughter I would NOT want her to attempt to become a professional athlete, no matter what the sport. Instead, I would like her to take up something in the creative arts; perhaps writing, or painting. This is solely because I do not want to be involved in any situation where my daughter can potentially beat me at a sport. Is this a completely sexist thought process? Absolutely. Is this true for most men? Confirmed as well.

Though I fully believe that my son will, in fact, excel as a professional athlete, I like to think that I am a realist as well. I mean, I'm not asking him to be the next Tom Brady, or even the next Kevin Millar.....it needs to be a position and/or sport where one can sneak through the cracks with as little athletic ability as possible. In light of these thoughts, let's scratch these potential positions off the list (however B-level they are):

Professional Bowler? Still requires a high level of talent, and not sexy enough anyways.

Backup QB? Well too much talent/athleticism necessary

Left Handed Relief Pitcher? Yes folks, unfortunately even Mike Myers and Jesse Orosco have an undeniably high talent level. You try throwing an 85+ MPH fastball in the strike zone at 55 years old.

After thinking long and hard, I have chosen that my future child will become a PUNTER in the NFL. It doesn't require a high level of athleticism, and I feel that if I start training him early, he will be light years ahead of all other punters in terms of development - I mean, who actually starts practicing as a punter unless they are forced into the position in high school? No one willingly becomes a punter, do they? That's the difference - my kid is gonna be given a football at 5, and won't even learn how to throw the damn thing. Plus, I just can't imagine its that hard to kick a football up in the air 35+ yards about 4 times a game, is it (note: this is different than a FG kicker)?

Now all I need is to convince him somehow that being a punter is "cool," which could actually be quite problematic.....oh, and I guess having a kid at some point could be a requirement as well.