Hobby Hunting??

In a conscious effort to be more "social" with my co-workers, I asked one of my newer colleagues if she had any fun plans for the weekend. With a big smile on her face, she excitedly told me that her and her boyfriend were headed to the National Belt Sander Racing Championships.



Unfortunately, I'm not kidding about this. Without even asking her to repeat what she just said, I simply replied "oh, that sounds like fun," and thought to myself "Are we in Russia?" Its true, folks, there is a nationwide competition where people RACE the same objects that they use to build a house. Kinda makes me think, what kind of competitions can one think up using only a level?

Back to belt sander racing. Obviously, there are your standard Belt Sander racing questions - "Is there a maximum weight for a belt sander?" "What type of sandpaper do you use?" "How does one "soup up" a belt sander (think putting a big spoiler and really loud exhaust on an Acura Integra to "get a few more horses")?" "What design would I use for my belt sander?" More importantly, WHAT TYPE OF PERSON ATTENDS BELT SANDER RACING COMPETITIONS?? I'd love to go to one of these events and be a real part of the action. The experience must be like none other - plus they sell beer....

Which brings me to my next topic - MONSTER TRUCK RACING. Now, I'm willing to bet that everyone has seen this at some point on tv in their lives (Who doesn't remember Bigfoot??). Well, I'm not sure about you, but I've always wanted to attend one of these events. And this passion has only gotten stronger the older I get for some reason. Funny thing is, I couldn't even care less about cars in general. I mean, I was only a year away from being eligible to get Antique plates on my 1985 station wagon before it mysteriously disappeared (my dad needed a "tax deduction," apparently). But I keep seeing these commercials for this MONSTER JAM, and I really can't get enough. Don't lie to me - you get excited to0 - how can you not get excited with that announcer giving the old "SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only need THE EDGE!" in the bass voice. But simply going to Monster Jam (Worcester, MA Feb 15-17) isn't enough - I want to fully immerse myself in the experience. I need to dress like absolute white trash, get the trucker hat (the non-Ashton Kutcher version...), a nice pair of tight stonewashed jeans, and to top it off, at least 3 flasks full of cheap as shit whiskey. I wanna be hammered and screaming when those trucks race, or crush those cars really loudly, or do whatever they do......

I can't wait for the day when my Belt Sander racegoing (is that a word?) co-worker asks me "you doing anything fun this weekend?" I'll wait a beat, look her right in the eyes with an ear to ear smile on my face, and tell her "I'll be at Monster Jam." Now that, my friends, is how you one-up somebody....

On a serious note, Just What You Expected will be on hiatus for the upcoming week, as its acclaimed author will be occupied with trying to not get kidnapped while spending a week in Gautemala. Please do not hesitate to email me if you would like to guest-blog.